In any sphere of life, be it personal, private or professional we all at some time can either benefit from feedback from others or be completely destroyed by it.

Quite often, people don’t go looking for feedback and they are quite right not to at times.

Nobody really welcomes criticism, especially if it is delivered in a negative, non-constructive way, but encouraging, constructive criticism can leave people feeling clear about where they need to develop and feeling good about themselves at the same time.

When giving criticism or feedback to another person, it is worth bearing in mind that you are in a privileged position to be able to help another person, therefore the act of giving feedback should not be taken lightly.

The word “feedback” first appeared in the 1920’s and originated out in broadcasting.When the volume of a microphone is set incorrectly, unpleasant screaming sounds result – the same can be done with an electric guitar that is placed too close to an amplifier.

Since the sounds that enter a microphone are referred to as feeds, it followed that the unpleasant sounds heard after the feeds would be called feedback.

The origin of the word is actually quite a negative one, so it is rather strange that we use the word to define the information that is given, or fed-back, to a source, usually another person.

It is not uncommon to hear people asking for feedback on their presentation etc., the common usage today roughly means to give an assessment, an opinion or a perception of a person’s performance.

The problems arise when the feedback is given as a judgement, “my feedback is you are not very communicative” Wham! Black and white “YOU ARE NOT” – this is a set-in-stone truth, which is very hard to react to in any positive way, as it is the type of statement that naturally raises the hackles and leads to a defensive stand – “No, I am not …”

So let’s have a look at ways that feedback can be given and taken effectively, yes, given and taken as feedback is a two-way process and only works effectively when it is indeed two-way, I’ll explain.

When asking for feedback, try some of these common sense guidelines.

• Only ask for feedback from somebody you trust, someone that you know has your interests at heart with no hidden agenda.
• Ask the person ahead of time to give you feedback
• Tell them what you want feedback on – be specific
• Agree on how they will give the feedback beforehand, where and when they will give it (you need to be prepared to receive the feedback)

When accepting Feedback

• Adopt a listening stance and use active listening skills
• Ask for specifics, paraphrase, question but don’t be defensive (you may want the person to give you feedback again)
• Do not argue with the feedback – if you don’t agree, OK, but get it specific so that you know what the person is talking about
• Always be gracious and courteous
• Always than the person and tell them what you are going to do now, after getting their feedback

When giving Feedback

• It’s a good idea to use the sandwich of Positive – areas to develop – Positive – this ensures that the person is in a good frame of mind for receiving the feedback – then there is the body of the feedback and ending on a positive note ensures that the person feels good about themselves with ” a nasty taste in their mouth”.
• Your feedback is your perception of what you saw and heard – it is not a truth so ensure that it comes across as such, “You are”, “You always” with “I feel” “I noticed” etc.
• Be very specific and keep to the agreement that you made beforehand, if there are any other points it may be a good idea to ask the permission of the person before launching into feedback of things you didn’t agree to at the start.
• Question, “How did you feel about”, “How do you feel you did …” this helps the person receiving the feedback to take ownership of the feedback process and transform it into a joint effort rather than a one-way judgement.
• When finishing (on a positive note) ask the person what they feel about the feedback that you gave – this will help both them and yourself in the future.

Remember that whether you are giving or accepting feedback, it is an excellent learning opportunity for both parties to develop communication and soft skills and to grow.

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